My Guilt is Killing Me

[handsomesmom]

Hi everyone!

It has been a long time since I posted and I am reaching out to all my fellow Frenchie owners for some guidance and support (I am crying as I type this). :blush2:

2 months ago, my fiance suddenly broke our engagement and moved out of state, 8 months after we purchased our first home together. Within the same 4 weeks, I lost my grandmother and heard that my job contract was coming to an end.

In a frenzy, I had to not only find a new job, a new place to live, but also make sure my Frenchie boy, Handsome, was doing okay with these sudden transitions.

I found a job----in the Chicago suburbs. I will be going from 4 years of working at home (Handsome is 5 years old), to an in-office 9-5 type of job. I got us an apartment 10 mins away from work.

Apart from my grief at the loss of my relationship, I am wracked deeply with guilt of how this change may effect Handsome. While I will come home to let him out at lunch, this will be my third move out of state within 5 years.

Can you please give me guidance on the following:

a.) how stressful do you think he will be from my constant presence to be being home at 4-5 hour intervals twice a day?
b.) does all the moving effect his health negatively? He is very quick at adapting to new places and makes himself comfortable in his doggy-bed.
c.) how can I ensure that he has MENTAL stimulation as well as physical?

The suburb we are moving to is 30 mins north of Chicago......not exactly excitement-city.

Thank you for your support!

 

[Mavis]

Hi Sweet Girl, I am so sorry for all of your recent losses and heartbreak. They say when the Universe closes a door, it opens a window. I hope that is true in your case and happiness beyond your imagination is around the corner. You are a great mommy to be so concerned about your frenchie pup.

Concerning a), I think dogs can and do adjust to new circumstances. Most of the time when we are not home, I'm sure they sleep, especially with Handsome being five. Four-five hours away is not an unreasonable absence. That was our daily schedule before my husband retired. I'd come home for about 40 minutes at lunch time and our dogs seemed quite content with that schedule. Don't make a big fuss when you leave or return home; just exit and enter calmly and give affection after you are home and settled in.
b), My husband and I just moved on 4/26 after being in our home many years. Bambi seems to have adjusted well, and it sounds like Handsome has, too. I think frenchies as a breed are happy wherever their people are.
c), For mental stimulation, I'd walk him when you can, give him a kong with peanut butter or maybe a Himalayan chew or something he loves that he can chew on privately, or one of those toys that you hide food treats in that they really have to work at to get out.

Wishing you happiness and more good days than bad.

 

[handsomesmom]

Hi Mavis,

Thank you so much for your kind words, they really touched my heart. I truly hope this is making room for greater things, it sure doesn't feel like it now. I know there are many good men in the world, I just don't know why I haven't found one at 33.

Do you have just one Frenchie? As Handsome gets older, he does not seem to care as much for doggy daycares. He prefers one-on-one play but mostly he loves wandering around parks and streets. I hope I can keep him happy.

Where did you move to?

 

[Alice Kable]

Good grief, you've had a lot to deal with. I agree with Mavis, Handsome should adjust fine. We moved last June and both dogs AND the cat made excellent adjustments!

 

[Honeys Owners]

Your dog will do great ! Most people aren't home full time with their dogs, quite a few are gone 6-8 hours so don't feel guilty with only being gone 4 What may help ( if you have the energy ) is getting up an extra half hour early and giving Handsome a walk in the morning, a walk at lunchtime and one more walk after you get home. Try keeping on a radio while you are gone on a talk station ( not music ). I like the idea of the Kong - maybe fill it with some liquified food mixture and freeze it over night ( lots of recipes on the Internet ). Don't leave toys around that are dangerous- eg. that Handsome can choke on. If you want you could get a nanny cam and watch him and even talk to him through the cam. eg. https://www.amazon.com/VT-361-Monitoring-Surveillance-Security-Two-Way/dp/B00JAJ9U8K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493175892&sr=8-1&keywords=vimtag+hd

 

[Mavis]

[MENTION=1831]handsomesmom[/MENTION], we only have one frenchie (Bambi - our first), and we also have Ginger, our 45 lb. mixed breed. Ginger is 12. They get along great, but like Handsome, Bambi seems otherwise disinterested in other dogs. I took her to a small dog play group with about 20 other dogs and she couldn't have cared less about them. She was more interested in the owners than the dogs. For other folks on the forum, their dogs are way more sociable and enjoy play groups, etc. Whenever we have friends over, she comes alive and adores the attention. Bambi is great for us because she is content to be a lap dog otherwise, and I don't want to do jack once I get home from work.

P.S. We moved to a ranch-style house (no stairs). Fixing little things in our former home and then it will go on the market. I think it is going to be several months before this is behind us and we close. Lots of our furniture is at the old house for staging, so we can't really set anything up at the new house, hang pictures, etc. That's okay; just got to roll with it.

 

[2bullymama]

Handsome will be fine... remember they feel and adjust to your moods and emotions so give him time as you also need... it will all fall in place-- one day you'll wake up and realize it is all behind you and you'll smile .

One day at a time


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Jakeyjake]

I'm sure Handsome will be fine. Dogs are quite resilient and you shouldn't feel guilty. You are a loving, caring pet mommy who will see to it that his needs are met. Don't let the guilt get you down. You have to do whay you have to do.

 

[antbkny]

im sorry you're going through this, but everything for a reason. work on building yourself up and sit tight, something better is in store for you!

 

[Honeys Owners]

Another thing to think about is that so many dogs are mistreated in this world, and you are such a good dog owner who is giving your dog a good life. I rescued my French bully from a backyard breeder who bred her many times with no c sections, and who had an ear infection, blind eye, worms, and huge oral tumour when I first got her.

 

[Fosta Mama]

I am sorry your world's turned upside down, but it sounds like you've got a good, solid plan for a fresh start.
I have fostered 16 Frenchies. Each one adjusted to a new temporary life with me; new people, new environment, new dogs, new rules. Then each went on to be adopted by a family and they started over with new people, new environments, new dogs, and new rules. They all adjusted, and all did great! Handsome will be fine.... he still has you, and that's the most important thing! Just make sure to spend special time with Handsome, and do things that will stimulate his mind and body. Go for walks, play games, meet new people, etc.
Best of wishes to you!