Fear Anxiety

trishkidd24 · Apr 22, 2014

Hi Everyone,
Had some issues with Marge that I wanted to post out there and see if anyone had suggestions on reading material/ books or ideas how to work on the issues.

The older Marge gets the more leery she is of strangers, she wants nothing to do with visiting with them. She runs away and hides for the most part. This I can handle, but what we are having the most difficulty with is when her fear turns into aggression and she begins barking and bolting back and forth at our stranger guests...

Second is the issue with children. She is petrified of kids of any and all size.... I have been trying to take her more places for exposure (like friends/family's houses) but I really don't feel confident or safe anymore... I had her at my dads for Easter with me and it was fine while it was just the three adults in the house. Then another member of the family came with their two sons (3 and 5) and she was shaking, just watching them intently. When they came near her sitting in my lap her ears went back and she continued to shake. I personally felt it was no longer a safe situation for her to be in so I removed her and put her in her kennel in the car. I was afraid she was getting to the anxiety point where she may bite and I didn't want to happen.

I want to work on her fear and anxiety around others... I just don't know the proper way to handle it... I don't know the safe way to get her more exposure...
We start obedience class in 1 week so I am looking forward to that and getting her out into the public more.

This just really really worries be for the future. We want to eventually have children, so I want to address and work on the issues now so when the time comes to bring home a new baby we don't have these problems....

davidh · Apr 22, 2014

Most of the time Frenchies love people and want to be around them. I hope the class will help with her, but not sure it will. You might get some friends to help you with this. Have one come into the house and not look at her or pay her any attention. Then have them sit on the floor fairly close to her with their back to her and let her go to them and sniff, once she is comfortable with that they can talk to her and offer her a treat. Try this and hope it helps with her.

Alice Kable · Apr 22, 2014

David has given you good advice, I hope it works for Marge,

ForestDweller · Apr 22, 2014

Fear and anxiety issues can be some of the most difficult issues to overcome, usually because these issues stem from genetics and tend to be reinforced unknowingly by owners.

For starters, I think it's important that you teach Marge to distance herself from you.... Sitting on your lap or being by your feet puts her in a position to react more fearfully. And wether you are aware of it or not, you are reinforcing her fearful behavior by having her close. You may even be coddling her...l petting her and telling her it's OK, during her most fearful episodes... Again, this just reinforces the behavior. I imagine now, that you are even anticipating her fearful responses and as a result, your anxiety transfers to her.

So.. Back to what I first said..... You need to train her to distance herself from you. Put her in a down stay several feet away from you. Do this at home with no distraction until she is reliable. Have someone else hold her leash if you need so she is unable to reach you. Once she has this mastered at home, then introduce a stranger in the home while keeping her in the down/stay. You can even have the stranger offer a treat if she shows no fear and maintains her place. Once you have had several people visit in this manner with no fear responses, you can start to try this in a more public setting.... Again, make sure you are able to have control.

I would avoid chaotic, noisy, busy places until you notice a change in her. If you notice that your anxiety level is too high, it may be best for your significant other or a trusted friend to do these training sessions.

I would also suggest some more intensive exercise sessions throughout the day and even withholding food to be fed only during training. A tired brain is less likely to be anxious and a hungry dog will work harder in training sessions.

My apologies if things seem a bit unclear. I am happy to explain or clarify anything should you need it. Just remember to remain calm and firm yourself and take your time working on building your dogs confidence. Rushing through things with a fearful dog is a bad idea. Realize too, if she is genetically fearful, she will never be 100%..... You will always have to maintain a bit more vigilance in order to prevent her from going in to a fearful state.

trishkidd24 · Apr 23, 2014

Thank you so much. This is all great advice.... This is definitely something genetic that I most likely coddled unknowingly.... She has always been shy from day one, even when we met her at the breeders... It was a personality trait our breeder mentioned for her specifically. It wasn't that big of a deal but with age, and my babying her it seems to be getting worse.

My anxiety is horrible, and I am constantly worried about her when we are in difficult situations so I know I am making it worse.... Seriously this is the hardest thing for me because I want to coddle her and make her feel safe... But I know its wrong and I need to let her gain independence of me.

She isn't this way at all with my husband. When I am not home and he has stranger friends over, she is fine he says.... No she doesn't run up to greet them and cuddle them, but he said she doesn't run away or bark at them... So that definitely leads me to believe this is all my fault and has the most to do with me.

I am hopeful that this class with me a good step for us both together. It is just a basic obedience class but we have to start somewhere. She is highly food motivated so that is a good thing... Any other advice or exercises anyone can think of would be much appreciated!

Julie Stevenson · Apr 23, 2014

trishkidd24 said:
Thank you so much. This is all great advice.... This is definitely something genetic that I most likely coddled unknowingly.... She has always been shy from day one, even when we met her at the breeders... It was a personality trait our breeder mentioned for her specifically. It wasn't that big of a deal but with age, and my babying her it seems to be getting worse.

My anxiety is horrible, and I am constantly worried about her when we are in difficult situations so I know I am making it worse.... Seriously this is the hardest thing for me because I want to coddle her and make her feel safe... But I know its wrong and I need to let her gain independence of me.

She isn't this way at all with my husband. When I am not home and he has stranger friends over, she is fine he says.... No she doesn't run up to greet them and cuddle them, but he said she doesn't run away or bark at them... So that definitely leads me to believe this is all my fault and has the most to do with me.

I am hopeful that this class with me a good step for us both together. It is just a basic obedience class but we have to start somewhere. She is highly food motivated so that is a good thing... Any other advice or exercises anyone can think of would be much appreciated!

Trish - You made a good comment on here. Your husband does not have the same issues with Marge and the strangers that you do. Don't blame yourself and don't be to hard on yourself either. All of us love our dogs and want them to feel safe and secure. Yes, from what I'm reading Marge is picking up on your anxiety and it's showing in her behavior. My best advice is to allow your husband to hold Marge when people are over. Put her on a leash in the house when children are present and allow your husband to hold the leash and you should keep your distance. If Marge barks that's ok, she will begin to relax if everyone else is relaxed and ignoring her. I'm a trainer and i still and guilty of coddling my Ollie. He barks at the most silly things and is very protective. His hair goes up on his back and he barks like crazy at times.

Fear aggression is one of the easier things to recognize and you know what you are looking for here. If Marge is showing signs of being uncomfortable then you remove her from the situation. Most dogs that are fearful will only bite if cornered and pushed past their comfort level. So watch her behavior. If she is barking and running back allow her the distance she wants from the strangers. Don't push her to be next to them. Try to remember if you are anxious then she is going to be anxious. In these times I like to remember Ceasar's mantra. Be CALM and Assertive. Practice being calm when others are around. Leave Marge on the floor and give her time to warm up to strangers. Find a neighbor that she does not know and ask them if they are willing to help you. Or ask a friend of yours that she does not know to maybe come over once or twice a week for a visit and you can practice being calm and allow the friend or neighbor to offer marge treats. If she does not take them at first that's ok. In time Marge will learn to warm up and will learn to relax if you do.

I hope this helps.

trishkidd24 · Apr 23, 2014

Thanks Julie! I will definitely keep you all posted on how the class goes next week... We will take all the advice we can get and hopefully we can make small steps to getting her to be comfortable and confident... She is the most loving wonderful dog and I just want the best for her

HugosMama · Apr 23, 2014

So that you can feel more comfortable with her and yet still expose her to social situations, perhaps Marge can wear a muzzle when she is in higher stress situations? I think you have gotten a lot of good advice here. Good luck.