Queen Penny Is Gone

jbones70

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Queen Penny was a french bulldog we rescued from a breeder at just about 3 years old. She was a gift to my children. We loved Penny so much. She had 5.5 happy years as our Queen. We gave her the best life! Took her everywhere! Loved her to death! She loved going on golf cart rides at our campground most of all, as well as her early morning walks.

About two weeks ago I noticed she seemed to be struggling to see all of the sudden. She still was acting normal, so we dismissed this as something that comes with being over 8. Last Wednesday she had a seizure out of nowhere. We were so worried. When she recovered, her gait was a bit off, and her legs were splaying out from under her a bit. We called our vet and he said our symptoms seem to indicate a brain tumor. We decided as a family to keep her home instead of going into the vet's office as the diagnosis for a brain tumor is poor. We wanted all her time left to ourselves. The stress of the testing alone may have done her in, and that wasn't happening without her family!

Thursday she had a decent day. No issues except the splaying. Friday morning she had another seizure. I had to spend almost 1.5 hours calming her down after. Since she was a Frenchie, I noticed a distinct rattle in her lungs after the seizure. She had breathed in her own saliva during the panting session. We knew then she was dying.

I called the vet and arranged for a room to be saved for her. I asked Queen Penny to allow me one last walk, and to frolic in the yard one more time, and to wait for Mommy and my children to come home from school. I also requested she verbally signal to me when it was time to go. I made a lot of demands!

Amazingly, she walked down our street like she was young again! When Mommy got home at 1:15 PM, she went into the yard and ran around with our English Bully Pearl. We were stunned. My wife hand-fed her some shredded chicken. She couldn't really work her mouth however. When my children came home from school, Penny immediately had another seizure and took a deep breath and yelped. This kid never made noise, nor did she bark. I think she went a year without barking one time! We went to the vet, thankfully only 5 minutes away. She was breathing heavily and breathing in her phlegm and drowning herself on top of everything else.

I can't believe she did everything I asked of her! How strong was she to do that for me? She is amazing I will say that much. That's love. She didn't want to go she had to to escape the pain.

We got to the table and she was ready. She willing laid down in a crouched position. First time ever at the vet. She got the sedative first and immediately had that big smile on her black mask face again. The one she always had when she was well. The one we loved! We all said our goodbyes and then she got the second shot and died in my wife's arms. I saw the life leave her eyes.

We are beyond sad. I hate the universe for taking Queen Penny so suddenly. I am missing this kid so bad. I want her back in my lap right now. To smell her, rub her, tickle her, walk her, pet her. Why did fate have this in store for her? Who can I punch in the nose for doing this to her? Why?

Penny.jpg
 

jbones70

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5th day without Penny. It's not getting any easier. I feel worse actually. The lack of sleep is making it hard to think straight. I don't know what to do to feel better about all of this *****. Who is running the show here? This shouldn't of happened! She was so happy. Why?* *
 

Jeffc

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Reading your post brought me too tears. I’m so sorry for your loss, hopefully in time you and your family will heal. RIP sweet Penny!
 

jbones70

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Thank you for your kind words. It has been the most heart-breaking experience ever for us. I miss my Queen Penny so much I cant even function.
 

jbones70

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So I am back at my hotel room alone, away from my grieving family, heartbroken, barely able to get through work without crying, bawling my eyes out right now for Queen Penny. It's not getting better with time. I think it's getting worse! God, please take this pain away. I can't do this anymore. I thought I was strong, I'm not. I cant be. Not for this I can't bear this. I need professional help.
 

Jeffc

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Hang in there! If you think you need too talk to someone please do so, there’s no shame in getting some professional help.
 

2bullymama

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So I am back at my hotel room alone, away from my grieving family, heartbroken, barely able to get through work without crying, bawling my eyes out right now for Queen Penny. It's not getting better with time. I think it's getting worse! God, please take this pain away. I can't do this anymore. I thought I was strong, I'm not. I cant be. Not for this I can't bear this. I need professional help.

So very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby!

Your pain will fade but never go away— they touch us so deeply it takes a piece of your heart/soul when they leave you. Be good to yourself, the memories will become welcomed and heart warming, in time. Look at pictures and videos so to can help the grieving process.

Sending hugs and prayers.

Rest well sweet Penny


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jbones70

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Thank you for your kind words. The feedback I have gotten here from others who can relate to the intense pain has helped. I'm taking it a moment at a time...
 

jbones70

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Day 6. I'm not sleeping much. Mornings are the worst. You always loved to get up with me and sit with me while I had my first cup of coffee. Then off on your walk! God I miss the routine. And your physical presence Queen Penny. My family says the house is so empty. You were larger than life. I will never get over this it seems.
 

2bullymama

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Day 6. I'm not sleeping much. Mornings are the worst. You always loved to get up with me and sit with me while I had my first cup of coffee. Then off on your walk! God I miss the routine. And your physical presence Queen Penny. My family says the house is so empty. You were larger than life. I will never get over this it seems.

Keep remembering and enjoying the memories... it truly does help. I was frozen for about two weeks before I was able to really function again (((hugs)))


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jbones70

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Keep remembering and enjoying the memories... it truly does help. I was frozen for about two weeks before I was able to really function again (((hugs)))


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Thank you. It's such hard work carrying on without her.

Penny 2-min.jpg
 

jbones70

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Thank you 2bullymama. You and this site have helped me. I appreciate that.
 

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Jakeyjake

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so painful and only time can help you heal. We lost our Stella in May from a brain tumor. So unfair. She was only 7. I still cry. Hugs to you and your family.
 

Cbrugs

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This broke me heart to read and I’m so sorry for your loss. My oldest is 8 and he’s my first dog so I don’t know the pain you’re going through but I can only imagine.

Penny was a Queen and you surely treated her that way. She was a beautiful girl.


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jbones70

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Thank you everyone for the comments on Queen Penny. I will try again today to post some pictures, yesterday night brought me such sadness I could not muster the courage. I am home now, my wife and children are helping me navigate. It's not going thru the motions anymore now that I'm with them. It was a difficult week last week.
 

jbones70

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So closing the camper yesterday was not fun. Just as I thought, walking into the trailer flooded me with memories of Queen Penny. Of course, since the last time we were there, we didn't expect to not come back, so there were dog toys and bones and stuff everywhere in the Florida room. Oh how Penny & Pearl loved to play with us, my children, and ours and their campground friends! I found the first toy I ever personally brought for Penny. Since she was a Frenchie, he had it ingrained in her being to destroy any toy! Exterminator dog! I got her one where the stuffy was surrounded by a plastic cage. She was never able to wreck this one. I also grabbed her golf cart goggles.

My wife and I were pretty emotional on the ride home. Everything sucks without Penny. The therapy dog we didn't even know we had it seems. Glad I am not going back to the campground until spring. Maybe I'll be in a better emotional place by then. The holidays are going to be different this year, Penny was the center of attention always, just because of who she was. Little dog with a huge personality.

I think I backslid yesterday. Not sure how many %, but it was a lot.

I'm trying to carry on better today.
 
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